The true miracle

Hola mi querida familia,

I know you are all anxiously anticipating the news: Did the family get married and baptized? Well....I hate to let you all down, but...no. We're still waiting for the paperwork to come through. HOWEVER...I want you all to know that your thoughts and prayers haven't been in vain.

I had a knot in my chest all last week, stressing about this marriage and the baptism I want so badly to see before I come home. I kept thinking over and over again, "What am I doing? What am I not doing? What do I need to do to be worthy of this miracle I'm praying for?" I'll admit that at times I felt the Lord was simply chastening me. After all, I'd received several blessings up to this point, so who's to say I deserved this? By the time Wednesday rolled around and we still didn't have the papers, I honestly started to doubt I'd be here to see Francia and her kids get baptized and I was feeling very sorry for myself. We continued to visit Fam. Barria daily and one night, after I had come to grips with the fact that my "miracle" might not occur, we were talking one on one with Hna. Francia about what's she's learned from her personal scripture study and attending church these past few weeks. She opened up her "Gospel Principles" manual and started sharing with us what she had learned about faith--that it was really something that required patience, effort and enduring. She told us that her faith had grown so much over the past couple of months and that she couldn't fathom the idea of missing church even one Sunday. She also said she had hopes that some day all of her children and her husband would be faithful members of the church. She then looked us in the eyes and said, "Hermanas, I know this is the true church." I just sat and stared at her in dumbfounded silence. This was not the same Francia I met a year ago--or even 3 months ago. She'd been changed completely by her personal conversion to the gospel. And that's when it hit me. I could almost hear the voice in my head say, "All this time you've been praying for a miracle. Isn't this what you wanted?" I guess I always thought that seeing her be baptized was what I wanted, but I realize now that it doesn't really matter whether I'm here or not when that happens. She's going to be baptized. She's already converted. So...I leave it all in the hands of the Lord at this point. Really, I think that's the biggest thing this mission has taught me. What I think I want or hope to achieve is nothing compared to what the Lord has planned and is capable of doing. Just the instrument!

I wasn't going to mention the fact that this is my last week, but...we're all pretty aware of that, aren't we? I feel like I'm staring two separate emotions in the face: 1) extreme happiness about seeing you all again and 2) heartache. At any given second, I could go either way.

Thank you so much for all of your prayers, for your love and constant thoughts and words of encouragement. We're not done yet, so keep 'em coming this week! :)

love you all,

Hna. Brewster