Dear Family,
Well. Here we are. The last one. I can't tell you how I'm feeling because the emotions seem to be shot up on novocaine at the moment.
This might be the strangest thing to ever be written in a going home email from a missionary, but this past week my greatest lesson came from a Rolling Stones song that popped inexplicably into my head: "You can't always get what you want...but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need."
For weeks and weeks I've been praying that the Lord would let me see a wedding before I go home and I was granted that request--though it's not what you all think. On Saturday I, along with about 8 other missionaries, got to attend the sealing of the Familia Salinas from Santiago, my last area. (In case you don't remember, this is the cute little family that sang "Chiquitita" with Hna. Aguero and me.) They asked special permission from President to have us there in their sealing since neither one of them has family that are members. Among the missionaries that were invited to attend were Hna. Graham, Hna. Aguero and the Robisons, so it was basically one joyous reunion in the temple for the last time. I've never seen anything more beautiful than that sealing. Hna. Kathy was so excited that she said, "¡Si!" several times prematurely in the sealing and it was adorable. They were so happy. Even though they weren't technically "my converts" I felt so blessed and privileged to be there sharing in the experience with them. There were many things I prayed for in the mission that I never got--but the Lord always had some way of blessing me beyond what I thought was capable.
And yesterday...that's when the dam burst. Of course my last Sunday in Panama had to be Fast and Testimony meeting. I was sitting in the back with some recent converts, already feeling emotional and trying to control the tears when one of the brethren got up to bear his testimony and said, "And with the permission of the bishopric, I would like to invite Hna. Brewster to come up and bear her testimony, seeing as this is the last day she'll be here with us. We would love to hear what you have to say." So of course, on that note, I couldn't very well stall any longer. I got up to bear my testimony and within the first minute I was bathing the pulpit in tears. I'm not even sure that what I said was discernible, but I tried to thank the ward for all they had done for me and let them know how much I really loved them and was going to miss them.
It was good I got all the tears out then because what came later on last night would have burst any tear dam wide open. My dear ward members threw me a going away party at the chapel that had me feeling like I was tending my own wedding reception...or funeral. They had Hna. Rodriguez and I sit front and center and several people took turns sharing words of gratitude, advice and love. Among those who spoke were Hna. Francia, Hna. Maritza and several people who had known me since my first day in La Dos Mil almost 18 months ago. ("When Hna. Brewster started her mission here, she didn't understand anything we were saying and now she understands PERFECTLY!") Hna. Francia broke down into tears thanking me for everything I did in helping their family grow in the gospel and that she wished I could be there for her wedding and baptism, but that the Lord would allow me to be there in spirit. Hna. Maritza said she thanked the Lord for answering her prayers and sending two angels to her door with the message of the gospel. She also said she'd miss my "celestial singing." Several ward members presented gifts (which I'll be able to show you soon) and there were a couple of special musical numbers by the primary kids who sang "We'll bring the world his truth" and the Familia Sanchez (with whom we eat lunch every day) who sang "God be with you til we meet again" with the rest of the ward helping out to sing the chorus.
You can imagine how absolutely overwhelmed I was. I'm still in shock over all of it. I kept thinking to myself, "Who's this Hna. Brewster they're talking about? Surely it can't be me. I don't deserve this." The truth is that the greatest lesson I learned on the mission is that the Lord really is at the helm of everything. He really does all the work but he lets us feel like we had a hand in it. I always thought that at the end of my mission I'd feel so proud of myself, so accomplished. Really though, I can't take any of the credit because it was the Lord that carried me every step of the way, despite my flaws, my weaknesses and imperfections, he let me be an instrument in his work. I am so very grateful for this mission and for the incredible lessons I've learned in such a short space of time.
Por lo bonito, lo feo, lo bueno y lo malo, estoy sumamente agradecida. Sé que esta es la Iglesia verdadera y que mi Salvador vive. Esta es su obra y El la dirige. Hay tantas bendiciones que nos esperan si solo ponemos nuestra confianza en El y seguimos fieles hasta el fin. Dios realmente no ha cesado de ser un Dios de milagros y yo sé que el nos ama y quiere que seamos felices. Mi mision es la evidencia de que la imposible is posible con la ayuda del Señor.
Thank you all SO MUCH for your prayers and your never ending support and love that you've given me this past year and a half. I can't believe it's over, but I'm so excited to finally be able to tell you all about it in person. I'll try to do my best, but just remember--my eenglish no es so good. Be patient with me.
I love you all and I'll see you THURSDAY!
Viva la hermana Brewster!!!
love,
Hna. Allison Brewster
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